Struggling Silently: The Weight of Invisible Pain

Common feeling but we have to be strong 💕🙏🏻

What medications are you on. I take ibrance and letrozole. Fatigue is a normal side effect. I still remain active, but it is hard sometimes to stay focused. I exercise regularly, and that belps. I don't have the drive that I did. It is a hard disease. My online support groups are my life lone. People here understand. Even my husband doesn't get it. Fortunately, I have a couple of people in my life right now that do.

Hang in there. It’s a lot to soak in. I told my husband when I was first diagnosed that I need normalcy. Through all this I have learned so much. Take it day by day. Cry if you need too but stay there too long. Cry, deep breath and move on. If you find your staying too long in a dark place seek out to medical team. It’s common. You keep busy. Exercise, yoga, meditation, pray, journal- everything and anything that can get me through this. Reach out if you ever want to talk!

Love your line “if I pull up my big girl pants anymore I won’t be able to breathe.” This really touched me. You are a fabulous writer - keep writing because you get it and not everyone does.

If you don’t share or show how you feel, then it is hard for the people who love and care for you to know. Cancer is scary, so let the people who care about you know. There is no shame in being tired or scared. As for the people who say there is nothing wrong with you…….let them think what they will. Be stronger than them and BREATHE ❤️❤️

People who haven’t gone through this don’t get it. It isn’t their fault- they just don’t get it. And it kind of a compliment in a way when they tell you you don’t look sick, but I know it’s hard to hear. It makes you feel they think you’re making it up or something🥰

There are many things we go through when we have cancer. We go through physical changes, emotional overload, social issues and sometimes even spiritual questions. No wonder you feel tired and alone! Can you make a very short list of people that WANT to understand what you are going through. (Even if they are not doing a good job yet) I found it was not good to go through this alone. I also found it helpful to choose a small list of people that would be “life giving” and build those relationships. Is there anyone at all on your list? I wonder if your medication is making you feel sad. There are medications that can counteract. Doctors don’t talk about this much about this unless you bring it up. There are a bunch of people on this website that want to go through this with you. Hugs!!!

I am taking anastrole and have bone and joint pain and can't sleep well. I am afraid to switch as I have two cancer in same breast dcis and invasive lobular. I had lumpectomy and then partial mastectomy as they did not get it all first time. I am over 70 so they refunded to do sentinel node but otherwise was in excellent health and work exercise and not overweight... But scared as I don't know if it is in my lymph

You need to ask your oncologist to explain if removal of sentinel node is standard of care for your stage and type of cancer. There are so many new tests geared towards not putting us through unnecessary treatments and procedures that it is hard to keep up. I know from researching that sentinel mode biopsy is not always recommended. Age is not always the reason but it plays a role in many of the decisions and recommendations. I like Mayo Clinic and MD Anderson for a lot of my answers before I meet with oncologist. If I don't understand before appt I ask him. I drive him nuts I think, but oh well. 😁

Gm hunni and I total feel you on the same subject. I wish there where places with could go and spend time with each other and bond learn more and still feel at ease you know what state are you in I’m in Texas

Hello Angeline, There is no shame in being tired or scared, you are going thru some major life changes both emotional and physical. When you hear those words "You have cancer" it is very scary. My mind went blank for a few days, then it wouldn't stop going. It seems as though you're on an emotional rollercoaster. All the emotions you go thru are draining in itself. You need to tell yourself "it is ok to be tired, you need to rest" or you will become exhausted and that can hurt you more. You are sick, you do NOT have to prove anything to anyone. I felt that way and it ended up with me in the hospital for a week. You are the one who needs understanding and yes even help. It is even ok to feel sorry for yourself, to be angry, or cry just don't stay there. Loosen those big girl pants and let yourself breath, cry, and yell it may help more than you know. PLEASE remember you are NOT alone.

People don’t realize that cancer treatment is not just chemo with its weight loss and hair loss any more. Not everyone needs chemotherapy but the other therapies do still have side effects maybe just not visible. It is ok to educate people about your journey. I have even used the example that a person with Diabetes IS sick but you can’t necessarily see it. How you feel is valid, try not to feel like you have to suck it up for everyone else.

Beautifully said Lori ..

Angeline I totally feel the way you do. But we’re strong women and we can get through anything that comes across our path. We’re fighters mothers lovers and friends. We’re not still here for no reason. I truly believe that. We have a purpose and have to stay strong. I live in fear every day my cancer will come back but in the end I will not let cancer run my life. I have life and I’m grateful every day for it. God Bless you and your family

Alicia H. I'm aware that for women over 70 the recent research doesn't recommend sentinal node exam. The first breast surgeon I saw told me that I was over 70 and about research. I went to Fox Chase Cancer Center in Philly. The surgeon told me they check everyone's nodes. They found a few cells in the node that was encapsulated and decided not to remove any more nodes. It's been 2 1/2 years since surgery. God has been with me every step of the way. Blessings to you and good health.

Hi Angeline, your feelings are real, and indeed this is the reality; people around us care about us, but I think there is a boundary that they can’t cross; we feel differently, the experience of this roller coaster has shaped us in a different way; they don’t know how it is to be so close to the end, they can’t understand that each morning we are reminded that it is a new day for fighting; for us is exhausting, and for every human being is, but when you are healthy you can not comprehend

Have you had PET scan? PET scan is non invasive and takes pic of your entire body. Areas with cancer cells are highlighted . Especially lymph nodes.

So relatable to this. I kept hearing ‘you’re so strong’ and ‘you look good’. This type of BS is not helpful, and people who have no idea what you’re going through are always the first to offer platitudes and advice. It’s like you have to pretend to be an alter ego superwoman to make it through the day. I’m hoping you can find a good support group in person or online that lets you vent constructively. I did, and even found that breaking things helped me feel better. Snap a pencil here, chuck a mug in the trash there… nothing major but it released my frustration a bit. I also found that once I stopped trying to pretend that everything was a-ok, my conversations with loved ones were more productive. Setting boundaries with people, and focusing on my own needs/feelings is what I needed, not to make things more comfortable with others.

I agree, there is much help out there through breast cancer support groups, where you can express your feelings and others understand. I have reached out to the American Cancer Society on the helpline and to Susan G Komen helpline. The people are very caring and considerate, and you can express your feelings. They really understand what you’re going through and it makes a big difference.❤️💪🏻🙏 Americancancersociety.org SusanGkomen.org

Better put those pants on you're going to need them. It's not that they don't care I'm sure they have no idea what it means to have breast cancer. I know that my original diagnosis was so bad I didn't want to know but I did listen to my Oncologist. I relyed on him for his knowledge. I was 46 when first diagnosed didn't think I'd make it to 50. I turned 62 in May and although my journey has not been easy I am still here living my life. You can too but you have to fight.

So well stated!!

The exhaustion from carrying invisible struggles can feel overwhelming, especially when it seems like others don't fully grasp what's happening beneath the surface. Many in this community understand that battle between wanting to stay strong while feeling isolated in the journey. Your feelings are completely valid - the fear, uncertainty, and weight of putting on a brave face day after day takes tremendous energy that others may not recognize.