How do I cope with terminal cancer diagnosis and plan for my family?

Hi Sheila, I’m really sorry you’re in this place right now. Cancer forces us to face something that’s true for everyone, but usually stays in the background. We’re all finite. We’re all going to die someday. Cancer just makes that reality louder and knowing it may come sooner than we’d imagined for our lives can be deeply unsettling. When your medical team can’t/won’t give you clear answers about what to expect, it can feel terrifying. But that uncertainty is often about the limits of medicine, not a prediction of the worst. Doctors deal in probabilities, not exact timelines, (my oncologist always says “I wish I had a crystal ball, but I don't”). But I understand how their silence can feel like avoidance when you’re desperate for clarity. As alone as this feels, you are not alone at all. Many of us here know what it’s like to have that curtain pulled back too soon. Does your cancer center have a social worker you can meet with to discuss resources?Oncology focused psychology, palliative care, in person support groups and introducing you to options like a death doula could help so much. You don’t have to figure this all out all by yourself. I'm really glad you are a part of our community and hope others will respond too and share how they think about and deal with this shared fear and uncertainty. 💛 Suzanne (Community Moderator)

Hi Sheila. May I ask what type of cancer you are dealing with. I have MBC. I am doing well on my meds and have a great oncologist. I watch my nutrition and avoid sugar and high carbs that may feed cancer. You are in a community of warriors and survivors. So please don’t give up hope. I was so depressed after my March 2024 diagnosis but I am still here and the good days truly out way the challenging ones. Keep the faith. We are here for you. Let us know how you are doing.

This journey brings so many overwhelming emotions and uncertainties that are completely understandable. Many patients find it helpful to request a dedicated conversation with their oncology team specifically about prognosis and timeline questions - sometimes asking for a family meeting can help ensure these important discussions happen. Consider connecting with a social worker or patient navigator at your treatment center who can help with both emotional support and practical family planning resources. The depression and "what's the use" feelings are common responses that counselors who specialize in serious illness can help address, and many cancer centers offer these services as part of care.

Sheila I saw your writing on this page ......I am really learning that there's someone greater than me . You see I am a Pastor's wife .The moderator is right we all will depart from this world ..Depression is a nasty master and it leaves you in chains ⛓️...Been their done that ! I see my life in a different light ..Love all you can ..and live enjoy times and have lasting memories while your here. I read the words of Jesus Christ , who I believe is the savior of this world ..No matter what happens to me .This place is only temporary . I seek him daily and pray to him .He gives me peace and the comfort I find helps me to keep enjoy life and love like there's no tomorrow..PRAYING FOR YOU!

Hi Sheila my name is Mary and I too have cancer. My hell has been going on now for 14 yrs. The unfortunate part about all this is that u go to bed with it at night and wake up with it. Than u constantly wonder when the next tumor is going to pop up. No matter how hard to try it seems to be in the back of ur mind. Everytime I see my Dr. I constantly ask her if I’m dying and she answers no. I’ve too have been going through a hard time the last few yrs. In fact I’m back on immunotherapy infusions every 3 weeks. My husband and I are trying to move but because I’m not feeling well and everytime I turn around I have another Dr.’s appointment. Is very discouraging as u might know. However as my Mom would say “this to shall pass!” Right now u must be going though one of those times and thankful u have us to vent to. We know what u’re going through so we all relate very well. Did the Dr. give u any reason to feel as bad as u do? Maybe it’s time for a second opinion? Where do u live? If I can help in anyway please feel free to contact me. I’m always here. Be safe and good luck. Mary ❤️

Who told u u were days limited if u can’t even get ur Dr. to talk to u?❤️

Hi Sheila. Your relationship with your oncologist is very important, if you have tried to discuss your concern with your oncologist and they continue to disregard your concerns. You have the ability to look for a second opinion. In 2008 with my first diagnosis I interviewed 5 different oncologist before I choose my team. Good luck . Keep us posted on how your search for answers is coming along .

My heart hurts for you and the things besides cancer you are dealing with. I am 78 and most of my life I believed one didn’t have to worry about BC at this age. My mother, my sister, my grandmother, great grandmother and several maternal aunts have died of different types of cancer. I felt someday it would be my turn. I did DNA test and found no genetic component for any of the family cancer. This was a wonderful report as I feared for my children and grandchildren. Having said they, allow me to go in a different direction. Regardless of our age and stage in life, we must come to terms with eventually dying in order to have peace with living. My diagnosis came through the annual mammogram and I was very shocked. I had lumpectomy, targeted radiation and now taking endocrine blockers for five years maybe longer. After going through several emotional reactions and arguments with my care team, I have settled in to living one day at a time with as much strength as I can have. I am grateful I have lived to this age, enjoyed a fulfilling work life, watched my children grow into adulthood and most of my grandchildren. My mom died at 58 and many of my classmates and friends did not live to enjoy much of the things I have. Car accidents and other health issues can take our life in a second. The comfort I get is I have time to prepare and make memories for family. It’s kinda like preparing for bad weather you know is coming. I refuse to allow anything to take my joy. I face each day being grateful for what I have, though not perfect, instead of worrying about what’s next. Being positive can rewire the brain to better face the hard stuff. I am sorry for rambling on but I feel for you so deeply. Life comes at us when we are making our plans. Hang in there “one day at a time”

Hang in there girl. This journey is not for the weak. Last March I was diagnosed with stage 4 MBC, that had spread to the liver and bones. I was given weeks without chemo. Well, I had to make an immediate decision, and I decided that I am not going down without a fight, even though I am 70. I had previously survived BC in 2017. It took me a while to get over the shock. I had to decide that I am not defined by my cancer. I am just starting my third different treatment, after each of the first two worked for a few months and then stopped, due to my cancers genetic mutation. I had to decide to really embrace the good days, and they still outnumber the bad. I still believe in miracles. We are all dying, it's just weird when you know

Dear heavenly father in heaven please hear my humble cry I pray for Sheila A that you will touch her heart right now heal her father from the top of her head to the bottom of her feet.. Comfort her.in her time of need Lord lay no heavier burden on her than she could bear..let your will be done in her life so you can get the glory...I ask this in your mighty name JESUS name i pray 🙏 Amen..

Shelia, why do you say that your days are limited? Did a doctor tell you that? Are you terminal? You do not have an exploration date on you. I am a strong believer that mindset is powerful! I can relate to your perspective the depression, anxiety, and fear of this disease but unless your doctors have given you a timeline I believe that you can think positive and be thankful for every day that you wake up. Give yourself grace and Thank God for another day alive. I don’t know you or your full diagnosis but I do know that positive thoughts and giving Thanks really does wonders on your recovery and journey I am 43 years old and for the moment “cancer free” but I cared for my mother while she fought her battle with this disease and I watched her soften, I watched her every move through her fight and she became a totally different person during her fight her mindset was she wasn’t going to let this kill her, and she fought back and didn’t let this pull her into the dark place that is easily found and by watching her do this she lived for 2 1/2 years with gratitude I pray that you find some peace in your own journey I know it’s really hard but don’t give up please fight and be grateful for every day that you wake up 🫶 God Bless You Sheila 🙏

Hi Sheila I’m Mary and it was very good advise u gave to Amber. Too watched my Mom has the disease was taking her over. My Mom was 103 plus when she died . 2 weeks almost exactly she was crazy a little crazy (she had dementia and was extremely paranoid and thought the para-meds were trying to rape her and the nurse was trying to beat her. She wanted to die in her only bed so fortunately we were able to have 24 hrs nursing in her house and I kept an eye to make sure everything was going as it could had been. However 2 weeks before she died the nurse thought she should had gone to the hospital to be checked cause was crazy! The ER doctor checked her out and did an ultrasound and found she had stage 4 colorectal cancer with no symptoms as all. Needless to say we were all in shock. It had spread all over her body. My brother is a Dr. and when I told him we had decided not to tell her. Why? We certainly not going to start treatment on her at 103. The Dr. said she would be gone in 2 weeks and it was exactly. It’s been 6 yrs now and I cry for her everyday and pray that she and my father give there hands on me which they’ve done so far. My point to all of this is that u have good days and bad days and many times I’ve wanted to give up, but somehow u find the strength and the people around u to keep pushing u . Right our big project is to move. I live in Fl. and we’re moving to Naples Fl. hopefully in the next couple of weeks. I live in Hollywood Fl. But to be honest I don’t have the energy to do it. I’m back in Chemo and it gets very tiresome to the point I don’t want to move. But I push anyway. U have to otherwise u become a vegetable and they ain’t going to happen! Anyway luckily we’re all here for each other to cry, scream and vent. And also know passes any judgement on anybody. I too would like to know why Amber thinks this is it? I think and I told her she needs a second opinion. Anyway I hope I didn’t bore u with all of this. Please keep touch and let me know how u are doing. Good luck! Mary❤️

Praying for your Sheila that you get help for your depression which will help you with your fight against cancer. Cancer takes away a certain innocence we have about life and forever changes you as a person but doesn't have to break your spirit and your will to live. I think every person on this site has experienced sadness and depression after hearing they have cancer. Join a support group, get a second opinion, tell your current treatment team or your regular doctor how you feel. Get family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, or church members to be your support system and get a few people you can trust and confide in to help you through this tough time. There is a saying that "trouble doesn't last always!' I have felt all the feels (sadness, despair, grief, depression, and the last goes on) and I tried to keep my mind and body busy by reading books, listening to audiobooks, journaling, walking, etc and it has made all the difference. Hang in there and please don't give up!