Coping with Body Image After Mastectomy

There are losses that occur through cancer. We all grieve the losses. There are gains too!! We get a new vantage point and can celebrate each day with an appreciation never before experience. My “tricks” to feeling more attractive are: 1. Purchase lingerie in a becoming color to look your best! 2. Regularly schedule “affairs with your husband.” Prepare for these affairs by fixing yourself up like you were going on a thrilling date. 3. Figure out new ways to show your husband you love and appreciate him. I would encourage you to add your own suggestion to this list…and enjoy the future ahead!!

Thank you for your up lifting suggestions. You are a blessing!🩷

If my husband said that to me I would tell him to go find someone with the breasts that he was looking for and to move on. I would not want to spend the rest of my life with such an uncaring, inconsiderate narcissistic man.

I hope he is finding ways to show YOU that he loves and appreciates you. I’m sure you miss your old self too. Hopefully he did not mean it that way. Instead of finding ways to please him, you should find ways to please yourself. I feel like I’ve been through hell (twice now), & I do things that bring me joy. (Yoga, coffee with friends, a fun day off from work, etc). I don’t know how long I have, but I’m gonna have fun while I’m here!

I I know that’s hard to hear but it could also connect with the idea of wanting things back to how they were before the cancer diagnosis. I’d want to be in that place too. He could be scared and having a hard time verbalizing it.

@Debbie C I am sorry you feel this way. We all handle this diagnosis differently. I think we as a married couple of 23 years have learned to be loving as Christ is loving to us. I know my husband loves me he just is working through this horrible diagnosis in his way. Unknown to you is that he came to me after having time with the Bible and God to express his deep sorrow for what he had said and that hurting me was the last thing he wanted to do. Love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control; fruits of the Holy Spirit. Against such there is no law(Galatians 5:16 $ 22-23). With God and our love for each other we WILL get through this too.

@Lauren Thank you for you kindness and support. He does show his love towards me so easily. We are both going through this diagnosis together and individually. I do enjoy pleasing my husband however, this is something that is happening to me and I am learning how to walk the through this. I understand fully that life is short and finding what pleases me in my life is just as important. Believe me when I say this has changed mentally, emotionally, and physically and I am going to learn through this how to better care for myself daily. Again thank you for your support and insight!

It takes it’s toll on everyone involved. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your husband and it’s such a blessing to have that support. My husband has been there for me as well, but I sometimes feel like I’m just one dr appt away from hearing the worst. So I try to focus on the positive and enjoy every minute. I wish you the very best!

@ Patti W You are so right. When something this life altering happens you wish and hope for things to be like they once were. I know I do especially only being diagnosed and having the double mastectomy just 6 weeks ago. I am trying to walk through this as a journey and not a destination of trying to regain the old me. “She” is not going to come back as I once knew her to be. I will come back stronger and more able to handle life’s curve balls that are thrown at me. I am an Air Force veteran/retired nurse who has come back from 2 tours to Iraq 🇮🇶. So I know my husband and I will get through this together too!

@ Lauren What stage and how long has it been since your diagnosis?

I think the hardest part about this is needing to lean on someone but realizing u have to drive your own recovery when ur feeling the most fearful broken and lost. A parallel story my sister had a down syndrome child and through all these years. He’s now 37 she and I have had to drive his treatment care and stabilization because we were ahead of the learning curve of medicine. So when the one lady said she would dump him(her husband )I encourage patience””because you’re both adjusting to a horrific unexpected vulnerable challenge in your life. As a single recovering nurse. It is heartbreaking.for me it’s taken more than nine years to feel somewhat happy get my mojo back and have hope. Good luck.

I can understand that your husband misses your breasts. However you have gone through hell in this cancer journey. I wish he could instead tell you that he is proud of you, and loves you with or without your breasts.

My husband is fine with my double mastectomy.

Carla, I had left sided stage 0 in 2009 and in 2022 I went for my yearly mammogram & ultrasound. The drs come rushing into the room telling me they see cancer on the right side. Turns out I had stage 1 triple positive. I did radiation. Then they and the oncologists wanted to do 12 rounds of chemo followed by a year of Herceptin infusions (which can cause heart damage) every 3 weeks followed by Tamoxifen for 5-10 years. I had lumpectomies both times. With this right side, because they took out 3 nodes (all clear), plus radiation, I have had lymphedema. I turned down the chemo but did 6 months of the Herceptin infusions. As I predicted, I did not do well with it. I wish now that I had done a double mastectomy as to avoid the radiation. I did opt out of it on the left side when I had stage 0. I got a second opinion from a well known pathologist who was able to tell me what benefit the radiation would give me for my stage 0, and it wasn’t much. So I am 2 years out and so far so good, but I know that could change at any time. I dread the oncologist & breast dr appts. I do my very best with diet, exercise, and a positive attitude, as I try to navigate thru this thing. I am 68 and have been genetically tested, but they found nothing. Still can’t figure out why this has happened twice. I have no risk factors.

I need some opinions. I had grade 2 , stage 1 ,onco score 3. Tumor removed with clear margins . Had 22 days of radiation. I am suppose to take hormone blocker. After) research I don’t want to take it. I have terrible arthritis and neuropathy. I don’t think at 70 that I can take anymore pain. What are some of your thoughts?

I’m so sorry you feel badly. Are you having reconstruction! You are beautiful with or without breast.

Donna, most people just follow the dr’s recommendations because it is supposed to cut down your recurrence risk. I know lots of people, including myself, who have not taken it. I would do my own research and don’t be afraid to ask lots of questions. Everyone’s situation is different. All these treatments come with a price. You have to weigh out the benefits vs the risk.

Many years ago I put off having a hysterectomy because I was afraid it would affect my relationship with my husband. I suffered for years. I finally realized there’s nothing more important in your life than your health. You do what you need to to survive. There’s so much more to a relationship than the how you look, for anyone to make your diagnosis about how it makes them feel is selfish. Little do they realize your entire life has changed and nothing will ever be the same. Your focus needs to be on staying alive You don’t need to add guilt to your plate

I am waiting to see surgeon. I will have mastectomy but thinking about having a double if the doctor will do it. So that I do not have to worry about getting cancer in the other breast. I am single 65 yr old. I think that if I have a double then no man would want to date me much less marry me.

Myra, getting mastectomy has not been proven to guarantee no cancer in that breast. Keep that in mind as part of your decision making.

We women are so much stronger than men. I wonder how he would feel if you hadn’t survived it. Talk to him about it. Just know that God loves you and is with you. Its not an easy thing to lose your breast. He should be proud that you are a survivor. Im so sorry, my husband passed away, before my diagnosis. I have wondered how he would have taken it. I think i know. I went thru it twice by myself. At this point in my life, i know that my maker has been with me and still is every day. Prayers for you and him.

My husband won’t touch me. After mastectomy he’s acted heartless and noncaring …. I’m dealing with this on my own…

Ginger, I am sorry your husband feels this way. Will he go to counseling with you?

Don’t feel like having sex right now.

My husband puts me down as soon as I get up. Very mean