Does anyone else hate being told "you can fight this" after metastatic diagnosis?
MB
Community Member
6 days agoHello.
Im 56 as of almost a week ago, originally dx 12/12/12. Now dx with mets beginning of August. It's in my liver, lymph nodes, spine, lungs, left hip and pelvic space. I also have a 9cm tumor that is wrapped around my left kidney and abdominal aorta. They think that is another primary cancer either kidney or adrenal. I am scheduled to meet with a nephrologist for that one. On the scans it looks like my kidney is a water balloon being squeezed. The breast cancer is ER/PR+/HER- with PALB2 gene variant. I have a fractured L4.
I did 3 weeks of Kisqali and week off now with extra week...waiting to start again as my counts were low. Just had another blood test yesterday and expecting a call to start again since my counts are up again. I am also on Anastrozole. My pain is well controlled with a fentanyl patch. Flexeril, and prn dillaudid. The palliative care team has been amazing with helping me with pain control although it took me complaining and finally a scare that I might have compression in the L4 that could cause paralysis. I was admitted my first appt with oncology at Dana Farber and that's when the palliative care teams saw me. They were amazing.
I have an appt for kyphoplasty Nov 7th for L4 stabilization. My counts for CA15 have gone from 800s to low 300s. Pet scan scheduled for December.
I despise when I see or hear You can fight this. You are strong.
Where is the battle? Its not me who is fighting it, its the meds. And when it finally takes me whether a year from now or 20 it wasnt because of strength or weakness, it was because of the physiology of the cancer, not because I walked out of an imaginary fight.
And I think its insulting to those that have passed away from cancer...does it mean they weren't strong? That they were weak? The next time someone says to me you're so strong, you can fight this. Im going to ask them how? How can I myself fight this? Where is the ring? And when it finally takes me does it mean I was weak?
Does it bother you? What have people said to you that are clueless even though they are trying to be supportive?