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Struggling with My Husband's Attitude Toward My Lung Cancer Diagnosis

Community Member

5 months ago

I have stage 1 adenocarcinoma lung cancer in the right lower lobe. They want to do surgery to remove the lobe, but I have to see a pulmonologist first for a lung function test. They need to see if I'll be able to breathe after the removal due to COPD. Here's my problem. I've been put under anesthesia about 30 times due to abdominal/intestinal issues and a few other operations (none were elective procedures). If my lungs aren't good enough, then they won't do the surgery. My husband had stage 4 lung cancer on the outside of his lungs. With chemo and immunotherapy, it's been eradicated. There are no cancer cells showing up. He never had any pain either. I have pain, I lost 30 pounds and I'm tired. My husband keeps making light of the cancer I have because it's "only stage 1" And while I understand stage 4 is worse than stage 1, I don't think it's something that should be made light of, especially given the fact that 67 and going to be put under anesthesia yet another time. I think I'm more concerned about that fact than I am about the cancer. I don't know what to say to him when he makes light of it. I just don't understand his thinking.

4 comments

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Community Member

5 months ago

Hey Teri, stage 4 didn't get where it is without stage 1. Cure rates are much better in the lower stages so I would say that stage 1 is more important to be treated before it gets started advancing to higher stages. I hope you get a successful treatment plan going quickly. Take good care.

Community Member

4 months ago

Yes Teri please have it removed. You do not want it to get worse trust me I am living with stage four nsclc that isn’t curable or surgical. I have 3-5 years to live been two and I’m scared as hell! Have a new grandbaby I will never see grow up. I’m tired, hurt, ect. Your husband should be more sympathetic with you knowing what it’s like. Hope all goes well

Community Member

2 months ago

Surgery has a higher "cure" rate, but if you are truly not a candidate for surgery, then marker based treatment or radiation therapy may be options. But not feeling heard by sig other is hard. My husband and I reacted differently to my diagnosis. I had to address this directly with him, reminding him that we are allowed to react differently. There is not a right way and a wrong way. If you feel you can, let him know you feel unheard or minimized. And you need support right now. He just needs to acknowledge how you are feeling. Hang in there.

Community Member

2 months ago

Cancer at any stage brings real challenges and concerns that deserve understanding and support, not minimization. The combination of physical symptoms, upcoming procedures, and anxiety about repeated anesthesia creates legitimate stress that many in this community can relate to. Partners sometimes cope with their own cancer experiences differently, which can create disconnect during already difficult times. Have others found helpful ways to communicate their needs for emotional support during treatment decisions?

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Struggling with My Husband's Attitude Toward My Lung Cancer Diagnosis

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