Why Am I Pushing People Away During My Cancer Battle?

I don't know why this happens but it isn't uncommon. We all have our personal journey through cancer and I believe we should be in charge of the journey for ourselves. If you don't want to continue pushing everyone away, I suggest you seek help through mental health counseling. Seeking help in these matters is a courageous act. Therapy has been extremely helpful for me in my journey. I wish you peace in your journey. Fight like a warrior.

I totally understand how you feel. I feel people have basically avoided me. It a lucky feeling.

It's a lousy feeling not lucky.

Hi! Alex, I can only speak for myself. There are very few people who know that I have cancer. That is my choice, I wasn’t looking for a Pity party, there are very few people who are going to show up to support or help no matter what. Most people don’t know what to say when they’re around you and they act differently. Most of the time you will hear I’m sorry, what kind,or what stage are you in, or you may hear about someone they know that survived.(in order to make you feel better) In which case they are evaluating their own feelings. The people that show up to support you make a difference. If it’s picking up your mail, helping with laundry, picking up groceries, all without being asked. I have found more comfort in sharing information with people that can relate, than people that can only offer sympathy. 

I feel the same way at times. I feel knowone can understand 😌

Hi Alex, Julie, Judy, and Richard - Garey is correct. These feelings are super common. Not that it makes it right or wrong, but are common. Seeking professional assistance helped my. This chat group and others helped me. There are still many ups and downs but we are not alone and should welcome all support offered or available. Yes, some folks don't get it and will never really get unless they are living with cancer, but that's is not their fault or anyone else's. It's just part of life and human behavior. We can assist educate them or just keep moving forward as we should. Either way, no one should feel alone. We (at least in my cancer journey) should welcome support whenever available. Best wishes moving forward all.

We have to care for ourselves . When I grew up I took care and helped my family and respected illness as a time to do what ever one can . It's not that way today . Learn to not expect and one won't be disappointed - while my family is deceased based on my age - the few alive are absent and that's just who they are. I don't engage with them - I protect my peace and know it's my journey . The care team doc and nurse vac are wonderful and I am very grateful - they are empathetic kind and smart and I trust their guidance - very grateful for my doc and my surgeon and my nurse navigator - to be at the mercy of nurses to provide injections is very stressful and should not be

Alex, It's normal to want to be left alone. At least it was my experience when I first got diagnosed. I disconnected from every single friend. The only people I did not disconnect from were my daughters because they just wouldn't let me be. But, I would have disconnected from them as well. However, if it wasn't for my family, I don't think I could have made it alone. But it's definitely a normal reaction to have. Stay or reach out to a few people who will not suffocate you but will just be there when you need them. Also, reach out to your team for other resources. Maybe you can find someone else to talk to. Best of luck. Prayers

I was diagnosed with stage 4, 5+years + , I isolated for awhile I then decided to share, the friends and family that got it were fine. Our relationships deepened and became more valuable. Some fell off. Good riddance? Communication (more than comfortable on your part) lets you set the parameters that work for you. Isolation isn't the only option. Your cancer/your terms

Jim, Excellent way of putting it!

Hi Jim! Well put. Your cancer your choice! 👍 I looked at it as privacy not isolation. Keeping my circle small is a personal choice. Weather we are talking about cancer or anything else. Sharing personal information with people you can confide in is more important to me than sharing with people who just want something to talk about. Quality over quantity! ..This has been my choice and I am very comfortable with it. Stay strong, Keep up the fight! 💪

It’s a normal thing to push people away. But like everything it’s a balance don’t be afraid about letting people in.

Thank you for this thread. I have a friend that is suffocating me! He always wants to ‘help’, can’t figure out why I don’t smile more, can’t eat the food he brings over etc. Finally, I told him that I wanted to be left alone. No one knows what it is like until they go through it.

Hi Kimberly, No one understands what we truly feel. It's not their fault, but I do always say, "You will never understand." It's more than overwhelming! You saying about not smiling anymore, uuggh, it hits me. Because my daughters told me that I'm just not happy anymore. No kidding. It all takes time. Cancer has fully changed me. Some people mean well, but we just want to be left alone at times. Maybe just tell your friend that you are so grateful, but this situation is mentally, physically, and emotionally draining for you, and you just need time to take it all in and figure things out. But I know exactly how you feel. Best of luck to you💕 Hang in there.

Nil T thank you.

It's completely natural to want space when facing such challenging circumstances - many people going through serious illness experience this same pull toward solitude as a way of protecting themselves emotionally. This response often comes from a place of self-preservation, whether it's to avoid feeling like a burden, to process difficult emotions privately, or simply because social interactions feel overwhelming when all your energy is focused on healing. The community here understands these feelings deeply, and there's no judgment in whatever way you need to cope right now.