The Empty Legacy of Unmet Expectations

I’m so sorry. 😞

Thank you.

I am sorry to hear this Beverly. Sometimes blood is not thicker than water so if you have some good friends surround yourself with them.. you need positive vibes moving forward. Keep trying there are good people out there sometimes hard to find but when you do don’t let them go… ❤️

Hello Beverly I totally agree and understand but how do really get the right bond with someone you can’t see in r do things wit. I’m here in Texas and I don’t know a lot of people with our health issues but there are support groups here just not none I can get to due to transportation so it makes the support harder on me

I’m so sorry. I’m in sort of the same boat in terms of family concern. It’s now really there. I don’t know if they don’t know how to deal with it or are just awful people. It’s a struggle to rectify their response and treatment. What I keep hearing on this platform is that a lot of us go through the exact same thing. Hang in there. This is as I have found a very safe place to vent and have shoulders to lean on. 😌 and sometime find solutions

Agree - many friends and family just not very supportive. My mother also wanted me to call her - her reaction was to make it about how unfair it was for her. As for my brother - he never mentioned it. Husband struggled/had his own demons during my first cancer, also wanted to ignore it. Friends just get awkward and have that look of doom on their faces. Have had cancer three times now - all recurrences of the same cancer. Each time friends/family reactions awkward and non-supportive. It is strange but healthy people have a hard time relating to sick people - a cancer diagnosis can happen to anyone and when they come face to face with it most people run for the hills - they are scared. We cancer survivors scare them. Hang in there - if you can get a group of survivors, they will know how to share in your grief.

So sorry about what you’re going through Beverly 😢 family has a hard time accepting your diagnosis and sometimes say/react weirdly as they don’t know how to react 🤷‍♀️ if that makes sense. In my 6 1/2 years of MBC, it took until last month when I was told I had 1 year left for them to step up and truly understand what I’m going through…although my mother always turns the situation and attention to her and I’m not important anymore 😬 I take what they give me and rely on my husband for the rest as he’s the only person who is always there and now more helpful than before. Find true friends and support groups, or through this page, and vent away and get the support you deserve. We’re here for you and always will be 💐🙏🏻❤️

I totally understand. I had friends who abandoned me. They didn't want to be around me. They made all kinds of snide and nasty comments when I lost my hair. Healthy people think that cancer is catchy. I don't get it. My heart is with you.

Really difficult to grieve a parent to start with, then not having sealed a good relationship prior to their demise makes it harder. Hugs to you.

Really sorry the support you needed wasn’t there for you. In life we hope & expect to rely on our family and friends when something like this happens. Please try and find a support group. Sometimes strangers are more compassionate than our own family and friends. Always stay positive.

Thank you all for your thoughts. I've been searching for on line support (other than this) but haven't been successful. Does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks.

Beverly, you did what you thought was right- closeness effort- no regrets. you will grieve (with anger) but you need to get past for your own health! If your sister is a good person- she will do the right thing and share, my brother didn’t. Just made it easier to (sadly) disengage relationship. Follow your instincts- do for YOU and no expectations of others so you won’t be disappointed. I’ve been amazed at the kindness of strangers that can relate to our challenges- and shocked at the lack of love and support from those close to me. Prayers are with you!!!

K B: thank you so much for those kind words! I talked to my brother about the situation and he feels the same way I do. I've tried and tried to get closer to her but it drains me and drags me down. I have enough to deal with with my cancer. I've reached the point where I've decided she can go her own way and I'll go mine. It's healthier for me.

I am so sorry to hear the stories of support. I'm so lucky I have a very supportive family and friends. I'm here if anyone needs to talk. I will listen. Hearts hugs to all of you🩷🩷🩷

I have a pretty toxic relationship with some of my children. One son is pretty faithful calling to check on me. He lives 700 miles away. One lives 500 miles away and I heard from her yesterday (10 days post op)I feel like I am inconveniencing the others to take me to appointments. I am 77 years old and driving in the city traffic stresses me out. I can do it but I prefer not to. Am I wrong asking them for help?

Sadly, you didn’t feel appreciated. Turn toward light, rather then looking back towards all the darkness invading your emotions. Any good friend? Hope so. Wishing you well.

Thank you, Beth P. When I moved back to where my family is three years ago, I lost track of my good friends. I don't make close friends easily, so I'm still searching for one. I appreciate your kind words It helps just knowing I'm not completely alone.

Beverly. You just have to do what is best for you! No one else! I like you…MBC family nowhere to be found. Christmas promised to call and got too busy!seriously! Yes got to busy to make a phone call. I honestly don’t think they believed me Didn’t speak to them for 2 years. Now cancer back and spread to bone PET scan looks like a glow in the dark pin cushion. It’s their loss! Heartbreaking…but some people just don’t understand. I took care of Grandfather and Dad both passed from cancer. Forgive those that trust past against you and move on living with your life! It’s there loss! Free your heart!! I did make it very clear with my hubby. Those that don’t visit while I am still up and at them can NOT visit when time is closer to get my wings. Godspeed to you. Time to LIVE. LOVE and LAUGH because tomorrow is not promised

I am so sorry to hear this. I am going thru a very similar scenario. When my husband retired we moved away from family for reasons to numerous to list here. He passed away 7 years ago. I moved back “home” 4 years ago. I am now 77 years old. My son or daughter rarely come over or calls. After my cancer diagnosis they did go with me for surgery 2 weeks ago but after getting back home I have heard from them once each. They do text occasionally. I feel like I am in the way. Neither have offered to take me for my post op appt which is over an hour away. They have not offered a lot of support. I have been there for all of them thru their troubles but I really can’t count on them. I am navigating my health alone. It hurts. It really hurts.

I’m so sorry Beverly. We love you. You can lean on this group whenever you need support.

So sorry but mourn something or it will eat you up. Don’t let your sis and Mom have the satisfaction of keeping you bitter. Forgive and move on. Remember negative feelings create cortisol stress hormones, and cancer feeds off them like sugar! You might consider Griefshare when you’re past the shock numbness.🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏💕

This is so sad...I feel for you. I pray God gives you comfort and you feel him by your side 💗...not right at all but I get how even though you have a family, sometimes they are not supportive and then that causes hurt.

I'm saddened to hear your story. Sadly, I can relate. Through the toughest time in our lives as we struggle to survive. Sometimes, people just don't know how much we really are going through or how to show us the love we need in those moments. 🫶💕🙏

So sorry this happened to you. People are messed up these days.

I wish we lived close. We could lean on each other. I have/am going through similar scenario.