Should I Tell My Family About My Breast Cancer Diagnosis?

I’m so sorry that you have to keep this from them. Do you have any other relatives or close friends that you’re able to discuss your concerns with? You have to be able to release to ensure you don’t make yourself worse stress! I understand and respect WHY you are choosing not to tell them!

I don't think it's completely wrong to keep this information from your parents. My mother is 90 and, while she knows about my cancer, I choose not to go into all the gorey details. I don't want to give her anything to ponder and I certainly don't want to give her anything to feel guilty about accidentally. Just my thoughts...

Wow.. You have it rough here.... really. You may want to confide all your medical contacts to someone you trust. This vital for your care and your families care if you would need to be hospitalized etc... In time as you adjust and sort out how you feel with the diagnosis and treatments etc... you're going to discover a more comfortable place to be in with them... don't jump the gun here...I would just have someone in the wings who knows about your treatment etc... I did this with my mother's nursing home care...I gave them another emergency contact and told them when I needed to place that person in charge while I went into serious treatment, that I would notify them etc... when I'm better I'll be back as the contact. My mother doesn't know. My family doesn't know. But that's for today.... we'll see where I land further on down the line but I put things in place...in case I can't be ..in that place.

Thank you all for your heartfelt advice, I felt it very comforting and helpful. Yes I do have other family members who know I have two brothers and their wives and they have been amazingly supportive.

It's not wrong. You gotta do what your feel is right for your particular situation. I have elderly parents (88 yo) and so far I haven't told them. It's been 4 months since my diagnosis. Situations may change this but right now I'm not planning on saying anything to them

The first time I had breast cancer i could not find the right words to tell her. I prayed about it , I cried about it and talked about it to my brother and sisters. One of my sisters and my brother told me I should, and one of my sisters said it was my choice. I didn’t tell her and felt that was the right thing as for both of us. She passed away a year after my first diagnosis and I never regretted not telling her. It would have made her worry and fret. It was a very difficult decision and I have always felt it was the right one. Go with your true feelings and you will never regret it. It’s been 12 years.

You need to tell them. Let them be there for you. As a parent I will say your parents deserve to know what their child is going through. Let them be there for you as well and love you through this

I haven't told my mom. She lives in another country and is 88 years old. She and I have been always very close and shared everything not matter what it was. That's why no telling her of my carcer makes me very sad , but I honestly believe that she would not survive the news. Although this is hard for me, I know I am doing the right thing. Also, my brother is a doctor, he lives near her, and he advised me not to tell her.

I have not told my mother. She is 79 and has Alzheimer’s. She may or may not remember and would be upsetting and very disruptive for her when/if she would remember. I don’t feel the need to tell her. She’s happy most days. That’s what I want for her and for me if I’m being honest.

As a 72 mom of a 31 year old I would want to know if he had cancer. Yes would make me sad, but would want to support and be involved. Had a friend whose son completely cut off communication when he got his cancer diagnosis - my friend was unaware of the seriousness, thought he was just mad at him, which was more cruel than knowing the real story. He was more devastated when he found out the truth. Parents need to know - remember you don’t stop being their child just because you became an adult.

No, I do not think it is wrong to not share your situation. I chose to only tell family members who can handle knowing my situation. I have kept the cancer diagnosis and treatment from my parents because my dad is recovering from foot and leg amputations due to his advanced diabetes. My mom is 10 years older than him and recovering from her own battle with colon cancer. I do not see how telling them will benefit anyone. I am currently recovering from a mastectomy and call them as usual and steer the conversation to focus on them. I do this to keep them positive and moving forward with their health recovery.

I was blessed. My folks went to Heaven before I was diagnosed. I’m grateful for the timing bc I was their caregiver. Gods Good and His timing is always right

You are your own best advocate. Each person’s situation is different. You decide what is best. It can wait if you are uncomfortable informing them now; later that prospect might change.

Judy, my parents passed before my diagnosis but i also have a developmentally disabled son. I have not told him for the same reasons you give. I think it’s the best decision in this tough situation. He suffers less. If my prognosis changes, he will have to know more but i think you have to play that by ear and take it slowly.

I don't have my parents. My mother died of breast cancer. We are a very close family. I am sorry you aren't able to tell those in your family what you are dealing with now. Look for a good support group. I found Unite for Her through my doctor. Talking helps. Sometimes a good cry is very helpful as well. I wish you all the best. Don't know how you feel about prayer, but I just talk to God, or write out how I am feeling God is with you. I wish you all the best.💕

I wish I wouldn't have told the family that I thought I was the closest to....they live in other states so I could have been private about it. Sadly they have not been supportive in any manner.....no phone calls, no help researching, nothing. 3 of them are nurses.....now I'm disconnected from them because it's so hurtful.

Cat… sorry to hear how unsupportive your family has been especially with nurses in your family who might have provided some professional feedback. I never hear anything from anyone pretaining to my cancer unless I initiate it myself. However I am fine without a lot of family involvement because I wish to make my own decisions based on research rather than being pushed into doing something I might regret. If all on my own accord I have no regrets whatsoever.

I feel like it's a full time job navigating cancer care...thought it was going to be simple for me because small tumor which I am grateful for. Didn't know about this possibility of long term nerve pain There's no perfect choice in any of this. Just got back from 2nd pallative care visit,the doctor is very kind but the only thing he gave me to help was the cbd gummies. He prescribed Duloxetine small dose and said that would help my pain....I took it for a month and no difference. It's actually a fairly serious drug to take and withdraw can be difficult. I quit taking it. Not worth the risk. I don't think I will go back....

This is such a deeply personal decision, and the love and concern for family members comes through clearly. Many people in cancer communities face similar dilemmas about when and how to share their diagnosis, especially when wanting to protect loved ones who may be vulnerable. Consider that there might be ways to share the news gradually or with support systems in place - perhaps starting with one trusted family member who could help navigate conversations with others. The feelings of isolation that come with keeping such significant news private can be incredibly difficult to bear alone.