Has Your Partner Stopped Showing Affection After Your Diagnosis?

My fiancé acts like I have the plague so I know how you feel. I haven’t even had my surgery yet so I am very scared of how he will act when I have no breasts. I have to have a mastectomy due to dcis large size area. I am a 36dd and my man is def a boob guy. Ugh

They don't want to do surgery on me being stage 4 and fear it will spread like wild fire. My left breast has really sunk in and when I say I look like a freak he doesn't say one word. But I know he is in denial that I am terminal

I'm 12 days out from double mastectomy. So far so good hardly had any pain since day 1 and been manageable with Tylenol. My husband doesn't have any reaction nor has he seen my surgery but I could see how you ladies are feeling. Hugs to you both. 💕

Yes. For mines, it was a combination of fear and not wanting to hurt me. Not knowing when to approach. Talk about it and you may have to initiate.

Deanna G....how awful of your sister. I have had a most stressful year financially and then got breast cancer...I think the stress contributed to my diagnosis and just about a month before my diagnosis...my sister laughed at me when she heard I went to a food shelf.

My husband has had no interest in a physical relation for a long time. He has multiple health issues. We are both in our seventies. I am scheduled for oncoplastic breast reduction. I doubt he will even want to see the surgery.

Deanna, it saddened me to hear you say you are terminal. Today you have the gift of life! It's up to you how you choose to live this life. I chose to live my life joyfully. I've had MBC to all my bones except below my elbows or knees since Jan 2016. I have wonderful days and bad days. I put the bad days behind me and live for the wonderful days. Please focus on surrounding yourself with people who truly love you and uplift you. You are loved. I love you, Ginny

Hi my name Haydee : I going true this too my husband had is far apart from me . He even talk to me and always in computer seem some video of pick up car and Mechanic .wend I what to talk about me and condition and feeling umm he stay quiet and say just 2 word , die or live , and say the surgeys is your option no way to go ,and walk away to the computers he is a Veteran from Irak . I know they have some PTSD but he wasend like that , he just change when I told him I had CANCER . And I feel so lonely working my feels by my self , and aim going to a Doble Mastectomy , and I think I will see soooooooo ugly and he will go more far from me .

Husband filed for divorce in 4 months from my surgery . Nice, huh ?

As a psychologist who also has breast cancer…. I can tell you that it’s just hard. Hard for everyone. Most adults have not been taught how to manage emotions. There is either fight ( so they are almost too helpful and somewhat suffocating) flight ( there is no day they can express how they feel it’s too scary… might ignore you or just pretend it’s not real) freeze…. They get it’s real but it scares them so much they can’t function…. They will do whatever it is you need but you will have to tell them We are all human and bring life experiences to the table. For me I didn’t tell a lot of people outside my family because it was just an awkward conversation. They had questions I couldn’t answer, they were super quiet so I tried to fill in the blank space…. Etc etc This is your journey! Ask for what you need explicitly! No one can read your mind. If they disappoint you it’s on you if you didn’t tell them….. remember the words fight, flight, freeze…. Try and see where they are coming from and communicate from there…. You are all warriors! The stories will unfold exactly as they are meant to….

You need to tell him what YOU NEED FROM HIM!! Don’t be shy

Do anyone know how to find a counselor who specializes in cancer patients? I have never been to one but feel like it might be a good idea due to the trauma caused by my 2 surgeons lack of care and my long term pain from surgery. If I don't address it and I have a recurrence it's gonna be a huge problem. I tried looking for one but didn't understand how to navigate

Cat I am with you on the lack of care and the fact that doctors have their own agendas and do not listen. I spent close to3 months in hospitals last year. First they claimed it was my heart (attack) . Then they claimed it was brokenheart syndrome. Then it was diagnosed as pneumonia. They did a beside surgery where they drained fluid from around my lungs but in the process they punctured my lung. Then they said I had 40 ponds of fluid build up around my lungs. They scraped my lungs and basically stuck them to my ribs. I went over 40 days unable to eat or have a bowel movement. I developed pneumonia in the hospital and almost died. In a 3 month period I had 2 showers no bed bath and was given heparin shots in the stomach because they refused to give me therapy. Further all of the drugs they kept dumping in me. I refuse to ever go back to another hospital and I am pretty much done with so called doctors. I wish you all the best but do not ever just take their word for things.

Brenda, are you able to go to MD Anderson or Sloan Kettering cancer centers? They are so caring and know what they are doing. Angel flights can take you there and MDA has a house you can stay at. Don’t give up.

MD Anderson has superior cancer care. They are the gold standard .

I am so sorry for what you are experiencing and I can totally relate sometimes people just think about themselves and are so cold. I wish you all the best in your journey.

Hi, I originally had stage 2 triple negative breast cancer (tnbc), had a L-mastectomy with reconstruction because I was high risk for an extended sx at the time so dis not get a double mastectomy. Unfortunately, my implant became infected and was removed and my cancer spread to R breast, so I have looked very different throughout my journey and now I am very lopsided without my prosthesis. My point is that you never know how you are going to look physically and it may change through out your journey. As a result, my advice would be to talk about it from the beginning and to seek out a support group designed for partners or caregivers where your partner express his feelings and can get the support from others like him and learn about what it is like for you. There are so many complicated emotions along this journey and no one can handle them alone🙏🏻

My husband has cancer as well as I do. He has not yet had surgery to remove his tumor, but will in the near future. We are planning a weekend away once things have settled down just to get away from all this stress we've been dealing with.

I’m 60…….Anyone have experience with dating after diagnosis? When to tell potential partners? I see dating sites designed for people with cancer, any good? I’ve been alone for almost 10 yrs and crave companionship.

This is a reaction this is normal on team . They like a women to be very positive and even we have cancer and then comes the surgery they think that “ know who is going to cook, clean , and be there for team how they going to do love”” they feel like they are alone . In my case I alway tried to cook and be positive in front of him . And if he don’t want to kiss me or hug me I go up to him and hug him . And write positive things to his phone . They are week and scare . Hope this work a little

Consider these ideas. Cuddle up with your partner to enjoy a fun movie and some popcorn. Hold his hand, let his arm rest on your shoulder. Pretend you’re a teen again. Think of activities that draw you closer as a partnership. This is hard for him too. Share your feelings and desires to feel protected and cared about.

Brenda, I agree with you! I don't know what is happening with the medical community. The lack of empathy, they don't know how to hear what you are saying, and they seem to guess what your condition or illness MAY be. It's unbelievable! I've lost so much faith in the medical profession, and it's so sad and scary. After my BC back in 2021, I just don't trust doctors anymore. Now, here I am, having to do it all over again.

Jodi, I was single for 12 years, or at least not in a committed relationship after my divorce. When I was diagnosed in 2021, I had been dating someone and ended up leaving him because of my diagnosis. I never thought I was going to be in any relationship after everything I went through as I didn't feel normal anymore. I didn't even have a mastectomy, but I just wasn't myself. Then, mid year I to 2023, I bumped into someone I knew for 30 years, and we started dating. I didn't know how to tell him. It took me about 4 months, and I had to tell him. He said he was sorry I went through all of it and will always be there for me. Now, I get diagnosed again on March 31st, and he says we will get through this together. This time, I have a mastectomy. We will see. But all men are different and take things differently. Dive into it and just have fun and enjoy it.

Hi Betsy, I So sorry to hear that. I just did the same. We went away for two weeks to get away from all the stress and to get my mind ready for what's coming next. I must say that we had an amazing time, but my mind was on the cancer on and off. My mind was on the surgery that is coming up in June. But I do feel more relaxed, and I am mentally prepared. Enjoy your trip!

Changes in physical intimacy after a cancer diagnosis are unfortunately common, and many partners struggle with knowing how to navigate this new reality together. It's encouraging that you're planning activities like the concert to reconnect - shared experiences can be powerful bridges back to closeness. Consider having an open conversation about both of your feelings and needs during this challenging time, as communication often helps couples work through these difficult adjustments together.