Struggling with Intimacy After Double Mastectomy

I had a double without recon. My partner and i have been together for 12 years. I was thrown into menopause and put on examestane, which causes anxiety and depression. I've never suffered from that before, so that's new. I have no desire to have sex much anymore. I was so drawn to him before, and now it's meh... Everyone is different, and this is my experience and with a different guy. (One not so fantabulous in many ways) My guy is a visualist, his words. He stated he missed breasts and he wouldn't look at me after my double. I mean, he's a d... I, on the other hand, was so happy they were gone. I felt a sense of relief that the cancer was gone. I don't care about the loss of breasts as much as the lack of sex drive. I now have a choice to fake it and plan sex dates, etc, or lose him. I'm kinda ok with losing him in some regard because then I won't need to pretend. ..... basically, is it - body image? - Is it side effects of the meds? - Are you in menopause? Sex hurts in menopause I know everyone says talk to your Dr, but I did. It didn't help. My gyno was going to give me estrogen cream. I was like, absolutely not. She swore it didn't contribute to recurrence. I don't believe that and decided against it. Maybe therapy? I couldn't get one and gave up. Anywho... Either way for me I chose to suck it up and pretend because I know I'm not the only one dealing with my diagnosis. At this time, the relationship is still valuable to me, and so that is me giving to him since he does give to me in other ways. It gets harder, though, and at 53, I'm not sure if i want to anymore. Not to mention, my guy is not a gem. If he was, I would be happier at pretending.

Stop Pretending. Get Rid Of Him. Make Yourself Happy. He's Not Apart Of Your Healthy Life.

Please put yourself first! Only you know what you need right now.

There are support groups for partners which could help him understand things from your perspective. Perhaps give him info about them and see if he will go?

Dear Gloria it probably is best to loose your boyfriend’s number. If he is not warm towards you why would you want to be with him? Get a small dog from a shelter. Put your emotions with a dog who probably needs you.

Anyway a dog will be your best friend and you will be able to lean on him or her .There are so many dogs that miss or never had a loving forever home.

Paulette, I have a doggie... I've always had dogs. This one was not adoptable and can bite, but I still love him. We are camping right now. My boyfriend lives with me. We have been together for 12 years. I don't put a ton of stock in my relationship or any relationship for that matter other than with my son. losing his number, letting it. It's not that big of a deal either way for me. Sometimes, relationships turn until a roommate type situation, and honestly, it's not my biggest priority right now. But o do agree with you....without my dog I would really be a bit lonely.

Vaginal estrogen cream is local absorption. Use medical glove so you can rub in good. You can use a tiny bit and use on inside then a tiny bit on outside. Massage in well. Ignore the applicator that comes with it because you don't really want to use that much. Use everyother night for a couple weeks then you can decrease to twice a week. Every morning lubricant like Replens Comfort gel ( buy on Amazon). Use the same way as the Vaginal estrogen. Don't use alot of anything at one time. Less is more. There are also special creams that can stimulate the blood flow and increase arousal.

When it comes to cancer, many people don't understand what those with a diagnosis of cancer are going through. Some friends have even questioned my diagnosis, asking if I'm sure I have cancer or if my doctors are certain. This is not only offensive, but also frustrating, as I'm dealing with a lot of stress, expenses, and time-consuming research and trips. I'd rather not have to go through this, but I need to take the time to research procedures, treatments, and surgeries instead of rushing into a mastectomy rather than a more promising surgery for Stage 1 ILC. I wish people could be more supportive and less critical, understanding that it's my body and my decision.

Suzy, Definitely take your time in making decisions. It's alot to deal with. It seems like most of us don't have someone that will help us navigate. Breast health navigator don't help us navigate they get us scheduled for additional test and surgeries. We all have things we wished we might have done differently but we do the best we can with the info we have. Take your time. Also don't be afraid to travel for care.

Absolutely, don't pull away, draw out your vulnerability to the best mate you have.Though realize you're hurting you more at this point and that person is trying to reach out to you. Let them in. Your boobs don't make you lady, your partner loves your spirit and brain ❣️

When I was first diagnosed I was so in fear I was overwhelmed I was angry. I felt like I wasn't in control of anything. I chose to do a double mastectomy with breast reconstruction. Now in the present time I've been diagnosed again second time 2024. I wish I didn't get the breast so fast. But these doctors always kick the campaign of getting reconstruction after mastectomy is wrong. Sometimes I feel that we are being taken advantage of because of the very sensitive time in our lives. We do have to put on our thinking caps and not panic. I'm my own advocate. I had to learn to not be intimidated by these doctors that think they know everything. Sometimes I felt that I was on a production line. But I've made my decision I'm in healing and recovery and living my life and then control of my life. And that's what counts to move onward I have everything I need to proceed and succeed!

Your feelings are completely valid - major surgery like this can create profound emotional and physical changes that take time to process and understand. Many people find that their sense of self and relationships shift during recovery, and it's common for partners to struggle with how to provide support during this vulnerable time. Consider having an open conversation about what you're experiencing emotionally, or exploring couples counseling with someone who understands cancer-related relationship challenges, as professional guidance can help both of you navigate this difficult period together.