How can I reconnect with my husband after breast cancer surgery?

Hey Mary, this is a very difficult situation for both of you. From the perspective of a male, almost 76 years old, now with low testosterone, it could be that he's just not having sexual urges or even thoughts. He might be so concerned with your well-being and feels like being sexual would be selfish on his part. There is also a lot of embarrassment that comes with the inability to perform. In our case, my wife is menopausal and doesn't have a strong sex drive either. But we do occasionally still have the need to be intimate. We find that toys can sometimes be beneficial. Even if I'm not able to have an orgasm, it is very delightful to watch her have one. Sometimes, even when neither one of us is really in the mood, I will make a few little suggestive comments to let her know that I remember the good times. It is a very difficult journey, especially on top of the cancer journey. Cancer is a difficult journey for both parties. We need to learn how to communicate in a different way and make sure that we do it more frequently than we have been accustomed to in the past. We need to develop more patience with each other and stay in touch physically and emotionally. Sometimes we even have to fight for each other. I know I've been rambling quite a bit but I hope at least some of this makes sense. Cancer and intimacy issues is a double whammy and it takes a lot of strength, understanding and patience to travel this rough road. In our case, we both believe it is worth the time and effort to keep us together. I wish you strength to fight like a warrior in this most difficult journey. Take good care.

Prayers for you . I too am having the same issues due to my unfaithful husband while I was in the hospital for 2 months last year fighting leukemia. I am in remission now. Thanking God for that! And still have not forgiven him!! I will tell you the rest of the story when I’m not so tired!

Rebuilding intimacy after major surgery takes time, especially when relationship dynamics have already shifted over the years. Consider having gentle conversations about wanting to feel seen as a whole person beyond caregiving needs, and exploring non-physical ways to reconnect emotionally - perhaps through shared activities, meaningful conversations, or simply spending quality time together as partners rather than patient and caregiver. Many couples find that addressing underlying issues like medical conditions affecting intimacy, while also communicating openly about changing roles and needs, can help restore the friendship and partnership foundation of their relationship.