Is Infidelity During Cancer Treatment Common?

I don’t know how common it is but i think it’s normal to be reluctant to trust him again.

Thank you KB. I’m struggling.

Not normal

I don’t think is normal at all! He was thinking about him and not YOU! What an excuse!!! So you are lonely and decided to have an affair, while you are struggling with such a rollercoaster from knowing you have cancer, going through surgery radiation and treatment. The only thing is that apparently, he told you, with that he was truthful. It is a very personal decision, you have to weight your relationship and how things were before your diagnosis, maybe you are not ready to forgive him, because you are still vulnerable with your health. Give it sometime to think and to find your inner peace of mind and once you accomplish this, you might have a better understanding of what you want in the future with him. Good luck

They do think of themselves. The changes are overwhelming and they just want something normal. It's is more common than you think. Hang in there and make the best decision for you

He is selfish. Your health is what is most important. If you need to stay with him for insurance or financial reasons while in treatment by all means do that. You can heal from the affair with him or without him but you still need to heal. It takes years to gain trust again. Definitely find a couples counselor and I would see a lawyer just to talk

Also he needs to go have std testing done. At least twice before he ever gets near you

My so called husband has been so mean to me ….. he told me “he’s not getting paid to take care of me “ and that he “doesn’t feel like he has a life “ but yet these entire 11 years of our marriage I have only done what he wanted and I put my stuff on hold

I know how u feel . The person I’m married to is so mean to me. He says the most unforgivable things to me .

Sandra, I’m so sorry that happened to you. To me, he has some deep character flaws to do that. He showed you who he really is and sadly I’d believe him.

It’s in these trying times that our spouses show their true colors. We have to see the truth. Then decide what we are going to do with that truth. My husband and I have been married 32 years. We’ve experienced several traumas during our marriage including losing 2 children. And honestly, he can be pretty selfish. I have contemplated separation in the past due to lack of emotional intimacy. But ultimately, have made a continuous choice to stay. I have to admit I am surprised at how much he has stepped up in ways I did not anticipate. And knowing him the way I do, it is not without great effort. Sandra, you certainly deserve better than he has given you. I hope you are able to come to peace with a choice going forward.

Using loneliness to have an affair is wrong. My husband stayed right by my side thru the whole thing. Even when I wasn't feeling good and was not real nice to him. He was never mean or selfish thru the whole thing. He has been my rock thru all of it. I wish you the best in your decision.

It’s easy to get consumed by how cancer affects you physically and emotionally—because you’re the one living through it. But I also recognize that being the partner of someone going through cancer is its own kind of emotional burden, one that’s often invisible and hard to understand from the outside. That said, everyone reacts to trauma differently, but choosing to have an affair is not an acceptable or justifiable response. It’s deeply hurtful and a betrayal at a time when love, support, and loyalty are needed the most. I’m so sorry you had to go through that on top of everything else. You deserve so much better That said, only you can decide what’s right for you, whether that means staying or leaving. Just don’t forget how strong you are. Cancer changes people, inside and out, and you’ve already come through so much.

Hey Sandra, from a male perspective and a person also battling cancer, adultery is always selfish and an individual decision, nothing to do with the other person. It is even more selfish when the partner is battling cancer like you. I've read all the other responses here and all provide good perspectives, good guidance (especially about health insurance), and lasting support. At the end of it all, it is your life and you live it as long as you can and as good as you can. Everything else is white noise and distractions. Your physical and mental health is first and foremost. Live your best life with or without your husband, your choice but know that you have options. God bless.

Robin, I felt so bad after reading your response to Sandra. Your husband seems like a real character. Maybe it's time to reevaluate where you are at in life and can live with or without. It's never easy but heck, neither is living with and battling cancer. Wishing you the best. God bless.

Not taking up for the men, but, they could be angry that we have cancer and no one is helping them mentally

Hey Jennifer, as a man, I understand that side of the argument. However, I feel it is a super weak argument and a selfish one as well. Whatever happened to "for better or for worse, in good times and bad times?"...but, we are all human and flawed by design whether one believes in evolution or God. We must be better as a people; especially during the worse of times. My opinion of course. Best wishes to all🙏🏽

I know and actually I am glad that a relationship is one thing I don't have to worry about. I would tell him to kick rocks myself. That's the worst thing you can do is kick someone while they're down

Yes Ma'am; agreed!

No excuses, including being lonely can justify an affair. There are a million things he could have done if he was “lonely”. This is betrayal. You know that but have a good history together as well I assume. My fiancé left me during my cancer fight too and I understand how you feel. She never gave me clarity so I have no idea if the cancer or something/someone else. I would be moving on. Once a cheater/ always a cheater!! You deserve better!! Especially now!!

It was a very selfish thing for him to do. I wouldn’t be able to forget about it and things could NEVER be the same. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Even if I forgave him, I would never feel about him the same way. Don’t want to be a debbie downer but really? He couldn’t live up to his vow? For better or worse? In sickness… What a dick! Not sorry. He is.

I'm new even before I was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer. I'm in remission but iso called husband had already been talking and meeting up with other women. He attitude told on him. Everything he talks to other women he talks very hateful and mean to me. I refuse to deal with this anymore. I have decided to move on. I want only positive around me. He told me I the reason he lost money. He works on cars. So I started doing even more for myself . As long as God gives me the strength I will keep going. My apologies I needed to vent.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. As if you don’t feel lonely when you have cancer yourself??? My husband and I have been through some similar struggles. When he found out I had stage 4 melanoma he went into denial. Told me not to think about it. Thankfully, I found support through some amazing friends. The journey and disease weren’t as bad as having to make excuses for his detached behavior. I gave up doing that and have advocated for myself. I have now been in full remission over a year and I will never look at my husband the same way since I don’t feel he was truly a part of my journey. I wish you the best in finding your own truth and strength. Try to stay positive for yourself 🩷

Forgiveness is for you not him. It frees you from the stress and effects unforgiveness brings. Once you’ve accomplished that it is YOUR CHOICE to decide to work things out or go your separate ways. Let the spirit of the Lord Jesus guide your heart and mind. While you are being healed yourself by the healer the last thing you need is to hold on to anything that doesn’t belong to you. Keep your heart and soul clear so you can continue to be blessed along this journey.

I've been married for over 11 years, and my husband and I met in church long before we started dating. We had a beautiful relationship, but things changed—he became distant, angry over small things, and stopped spending time with me. It was heartbreaking. I needed answers, and through a difficult journey, I found ways to understand what was going on. If anyone is going through something similar and needs someone to talk to, feel free to reach out: hackdemon4 [at] gmail [dot] com. You're not alone.