How to Feel Attractive After a Double Mastectomy

Oh Carla. I’m so sorry. It’s not easy feeling a detachment from your former self. Nothing about our bodies are the same post cancer. But our minds are incredible. That beautiful brain of yours helped you survive a huge trauma. You haven’t mentioned if you had reconstruction or not. It’s a very personal journey. And I feel although my husband was there for all the support in the world, it was my decision alone. I chose reconstruction. For me. They look good, yet they aren’t my breasts. My breasts were gone. It takes time to love the “new you” allow yourself that grace. You are no less attractive because of your mastectomy. You are more incredible for having survived it!! I have not had the same experience with my husband. He’s told me bald, bloated, and open wounds that I’m more beautiful then ever. But he wasn’t a “breast man” he liked my caboose lol. I’m married 31 yrs and the only comment he’s ever made about my breasts is that he’s glad they were gone. They tried to kill me and he was angry at them. Interesting from a male perspective. Carla I don’t know how long it’s been since your surgery if it’s new give yourselves time to grieve and learn to love the changes. As our bodies are forever in a state of change. The woman they marry at 25 is not the same at 85. But, he does not get to make you feel bad or sad about them. You need to share with him that his choice of words it’s hurtful. And you want to hear his thoughts, but perhaps change the lingo. You chose mastectomy to have a chance to live. To try to share the future with him. You’re beautiful in every way. Don’t let anyone make you think or feel less. Much love. Terri.

@Terri T You are a remarkable person. Thank you for those kind and beautiful words given to me a stranger to you. It has been 5 weeks since my surgery and I still don’t know how I feel about this huge change in my exterior self. Yes and also my interior mind self. My husband did come to me yesterday and apologized for his poor choice in words. He said he didn’t mean to hurt me. I accepted his apology and acknowledged the we both are going through this together. He too is a caboose man. We have been married 23 years and are believers in God. This diagnosis caught us both off guard and I made the decision as you stated to be here for myself, him and our 5 grown children. Again I thank you for your kindness and encouraging words. You are a blessing. Carla L

Carla keep strong. I am sure your husband loves you. But sometimes expressing that comes out very awkward. Pray for him as he struggles with the new you.

Carla, you’re so kind. Thank you for your beautiful words. I’m so glad he came to you and recognized his struggle and hurtful reaction. It’s a difficult time for both of you. You’ll get through it together and with your faith. It takes time, also it sometimes helps to speak with a therapist who specializes in cancer counseling.just a thought. Or with clergy. Best wishes lovely. You can message me anytime.

@Terri T I am looking for someone to talk to about this change in my life so I can come out on the other end whole again. You are wonderful and I will continue to connect with you. Thank you 😊

@Tamara M Thank you for those encouraging words and reminding me to pray him as we both work through this difficult situation. You are wonderful. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

I don't know if this would help, but I decided to include my husband in all appointments and decisions. I think by including him in everything, he was able to see/feel what I was going through. It sounds like your husband has come around and apologized. Blessings to you as you navigate through your journey.

This experience touches on such deeply personal feelings that many in the community understand. Your worth and attractiveness extend far beyond any single part of your body, and a supportive partner should recognize the incredible strength it takes to go through this journey. Consider having an open conversation about how these comments affect you, and remember that connecting with others who've walked this path can provide valuable perspective and encouragement.