Why am I having severe pain on Tamoxifen?

I quit taking my Tamoxifen I had small tumor hormone positive low score I had lumpectomy and radiation treatment im 44 so they want me to start menopause since thats what my cancer feeds on but I cant take the pain it just hurts so much I think im taking like 20 mg it just makes me hurt to my very bones my joints and I have never felt anything like it also my grandfather died from pulmonary embolism and that is exactly what Tamoxifen warns u for side effect that can happen as well as ovarian cancer and uterine cancer and I guess I just am wondering like I thought I got out my cancer like why do I need to continue to take this for five years it takes away my sex drive I can barely move my eye sight is getting worse my teeth are breaking like what the hell is happening to me and how come I have to take the same amount as other high risk recurrence also was wondering if there are any women who never have gotten a recurrence is there such a thing? Or is it for sure we are going to get it back once we got it . .. Thanks.