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Does anyone else hate being told "you can fight this" after metastatic diagnosis...

Community Member

a month ago

Hello. Im 56 as of almost a week ago, originally dx 12/12/12. Now dx with mets beginning of August. It's in my liver, lymph nodes, spine, lungs, left hip and pelvic space. I also have a 9cm tumor that is wrapped around my left kidney and abdominal aorta. They think that is another primary cancer either kidney or adrenal. I am scheduled to meet with a nephrologist for that one. On the scans it looks like my kidney is a water balloon being squeezed. The breast cancer is ER/PR+/HER- with PALB2 gene variant. I have a fractured L4. I did 3 weeks of Kisqali and week off now with extra week...waiting to start again as my counts were low. Just had another blood test yesterday and expecting a call to start again since my counts are up again. I am also on Anastrozole. My pain is well controlled with a fentanyl patch. Flexeril, and prn dillaudid. The palliative care team has been amazing with helping me with pain control although it took me complaining and finally a scare that I might have compression in the L4 that could cause paralysis. I was admitted my first appt with oncology at Dana Farber and that's when the palliative care teams saw me. They were amazing. I have an appt for kyphoplasty Nov 7th for L4 stabilization. My counts for CA15 have gone from 800s to low 300s. Pet scan scheduled for December. I despise when I see or hear You can fight this. You are strong. Where is the battle? Its not me who is fighting it, its the meds. And when it finally takes me whether a year from now or 20 it wasnt because of strength or weakness, it was because of the physiology of the cancer, not because I walked out of an imaginary fight. And I think its insulting to those that have passed away from cancer...does it mean they weren't strong? That they were weak? The next time someone says to me you're so strong, you can fight this. Im going to ask them how? How can I myself fight this? Where is the ring? And when it finally takes me does it mean I was weak? Does it bother you? What have people said to you that are clueless even though they are trying to be supportive?

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Community Member

a month ago

I forgot to add that I've had one rad appt for 2 treatments to relieve pain. I also want to say I understand the good intentions and the commonality of using 'fight' in talking about cancer. I just wish it would stop...my inner self is strong (my body right now? not so much 🙃) and I I have hope that I can be here and able to participate with the people I love the things that make life meaningful for myself. I hope that for all that for others as well.

Community Member

a month ago

Your frustration with the "fighting" language makes complete sense, and many others in this community share these feelings. The metaphor of battling cancer can feel misplaced when the real work is being done by medications and medical treatments, not personal strength or willpower. These well-meaning comments, while intended to show support, can indeed feel dismissive of the complex reality of living with metastatic cancer. What other phrases or responses from people have felt more genuinely supportive to you during this time?

Community Member

a month ago

I completely understand I have faith I’m spiritual but it’s hard the worrying the dr the treatments the test it’s a way of life they we didn’t choose but it chose us , the real battle is trying to keep your life as normal as you can and still finding joy through the little things that put a smile on your face such as my grandson I’m 60 and I hope to as long as I can ,I feel you always have to be the edge with stage 4 even when it looks good something always comes up and reality sets in ,, I have been doing this for 5 years next month all I can say is the journey is real

Community Member

a month ago

Marisa, I’m Pat, 78, living with stage 4 MBC for almost a year now. Fortunately for me the Kisqali is making me much better. I found comfort once my final arrangements financial, physical and spiritual were in place with a loved one set to be the executor. That gave me peace to let the medications work, keep doing what I can and knowing my final wishes are in place. The illness and uncertainty will always be there, but happiness with your grandchild and daily blessings can be your focus much of the time.

Community Member

20 days ago

I have been blessed with 10 years. I try to find joy in every day and stay positive. My sisters did a genetic study for BC genes and a parental gene SDHC. The SDHC can cause tumors, usually not cancerous. My sweet PA sister said to me "You're so lucky you don't have the SDHC gene." I replied, "Just lucky enough to have stage 4 BC". She's blonde, but I love her. LOL

Community Member

6 days ago

Virginia….girl your sweet PA sister gave us all a great smile🤣!!! Thank you for sharing! So happy to hear you are 10 years strong!!! Keep on going strong 🩷

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Does anyone else hate being told "you can fight this" after metastatic diagnosis...

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