How do I handle a friendship with red flags during cancer treatment?

Navigating friendships during cancer treatment can feel especially challenging when support feels scarce, yet the behavior described raises serious safety concerns. Prioritizing your wellbeing and your child's safety isn't giving up on someone - it's necessary self-care during a vulnerable time when consistent, reliable support matters most. Setting boundaries with someone struggling with alcohol dependency while managing your own health journey takes courage, and there are other ways to find the meaningful connections you deserve during treatment.

If nothing else, leave as soon as he starts drinking and don’t respond if he send drunk texts or drunk calls.

Thanks KB. I think the AI is also correct. I think he's partying this weekend instead of moving into that sober living house. The texts and phone calls this last hour are too much. I don't think I will be around him for awhile

Just remember it's not your fault that he drinks, sounds like you need to distance yourself from him until he can stay sober. You have to think about You, Your Health and your Child first. Definitely red flags with him.

Hey

Run as fast as you can! Life with a alcoholic is a roller coaster ride even if they are just a friend.

One word – RUN! I became involved with somebody a long time ago who justified his drinking and it just got worse. So my advice says get out before you invest too much of yourself and end up with a pile of grief. Sorry to sound so harsh, but this advice is born from heartbreaking personal experience. I hope your Cancer Treatment goes well and that you find somebody special to share your time with. Good luck.

Joy - thank you, yes, I know it's not my fault. I've never seen someone throwback 6 tall cans in just a few hours so that was my first glimpse into his life when he drinks. I haven't talked to him since I posted this. I miss him. He's such a great person when he's sober and I hope he's checked into the sober living house. Cuz I would enjoy his friendship at some point again.

Hi Georgia, Hi Pat. Lol Run, huh!? I do understand why you say that. I'm not even sure if my "best friend" of 22 years understands/knows/believes that I have cancer. The last time we spoke he was too busy defending drunken actions and I mentioned that I didn't care anymore I needed to focus on my cancer diagnosis and that my brother was calling so I needed to let him go. He got very upset and hung up and I haven't heard from him since. He's a "drink in the morning to ease the hangover" kind of guy. Takes a shower but smells like a brewery. Highly respected job but disrobes in public at 11am cuz he's already wasted. This newer friend, has not been drunk every time I see him. So I know what he is like when sober and I enjoy that person that energy so much. I'm not running cuz I know he knows he has a problem and is struggling with the will to work on it, but wants to work on it. For the sake of his personal relationships with friends family and more importantly his kids. So I am just distanced for now. My "bestie" I'm staying far far away from, because he doesn't recognize that he has a problem

Hi Kaia! I think I understand what you’re saying, but my advice is still to RUN. I’ve been dealing with my Cancer for over six years and have learned that I need to focus on me and getting me well. I really wouldn’t have the time to help somebody get over his problems, especially alcohol abuse. I know it’s hard to be alone, but I guarantee that in your Cancer Treatment, you’re going to meet lots of nice people, especially if you go to the groups. I really do wish you luck as you struggle through the decision-making process regarding your friend with the drinking problem. Take care!

Hi Kaia, You definitely need to put yourself first and put strong boundaries with him if you want to stay friends. He needs to get sober for himself and it’s not your responsibility, you have enough going on and need total support for yourself. I hope you are doing well. 🤗🦋

That’s terrible If u ever need to chat feel free to reach out

Hello Kaia! Coming here is a start. You already know what to do! Your health and wellness are your #1 priority along with your family. Blaming you for his drinking is disrespectful to you and an excuse. He has issues that you don’t need to be blamed for, or deal with. Dealing with cancer is stressful enough on its own, without the added burden of someone who can’t control their own life. I would say to cut ties with him, keep your circle small with positive people that support you. Sorry for being so blunt but this is about you and your family, and not taking on someone else’s personal problems! Good luck! God bless! 🙏