Cancer is a life-altering diagnosis and can often change your outlook on life. You may be reassessing your career, personal, or relationship goals. If you don’t currently have a partner but finding one is something you want to pursue, dating after a cancer diagnosis can feel unfamiliar. There might be insecurities and fears amplified by your diagnosis and you may not know when you’re ready to start dating again. Some people wait until after treatment to start dating due to the number of appointments and side effects, but ultimately that choice is up to you.
When you’re ready, below are some tips to help you join the dating pool again.
So, how do you even get started?
Before going on dates, consider taking time to reflect on yourself. Your body has endured so much and embracing the changes can be a powerful reminder of how strong you are. Take this time to do activities you enjoy, find new hobbies, and surround yourself with friends and family who uplift you.
Memorial Sloan Kettering social worker Barbara Golby recommends loving yourself first through exploring old or new hobbies to rebuild self-confidence. Talking to a therapist, counselor, or even a support group can help you learn more about what you want and redefine your values and goals on a personal and interpersonal level.
If you’re struggling with body image, consider talking to a therapist, counselor, or find a cancer support group where you can meet people who understand what you’re going through.
How do you bring up your cancer on a date?
Talk about your cancer when you’re comfortable. It’s up to you to decide when you want to disclose your diagnosis whether that be the first date or the third. You might find it helpful to practice what you’re going to say with a close friend or just in front of the mirror. The right person is the one who responds positively and sees beyond your diagnosis. Try to be yourself, be transparent with your dates, and have fun!
If you’re going through bodily changes or experiencing side effects from treatment, disclose that information when you feel ready to take the next step. Although sex may be a part of intimacy, there are several other ways to be intimate with your partner. If you are planning on having sex, be sure to ask your doctor if it’s safe.
Don’t be afraid to set boundaries
Setting boundaries is essential for protecting your emotional and physical well-being. Boundaries help you define what you are comfortable with and communicate your needs clearly. Whether it’s needing time before discussing your diagnosis or setting limits around intimacy, expressing your needs helps make sure you and your potential partner are on the same page.
If dating again is too overwhelming, give yourself permission to step back and focus on yourself.
How do I put myself out there and meet new people?
There are plenty of places to go for help getting your social life back in action. Find a community activity, volunteer, or join a support group where other cancer patients or survivors can talk about their dating experiences and share tips for getting out there. The American Cancer Society has support groups based on cancer types, as well as lifestyle discussion boards where you can share, learn or just sit back and listen.
When you’re ready, put yourself out there and make yourself available. You can try online dating, join a pickleball league, or take a yoga class at the gym. If you’re not ready, that’s okay. Remember your mental and physical health comes first.
Connect with an Outcomes4Me oncology nurse practitioner at no charge through the Outcomes4Me app, using the “Ask Outcomes4Me” button.
