A cancer diagnosis and treatment can affect both your physical well-being and your emotional state of mind. Wherever you are with your treatment plans, if you’re not feeling well, those emotions can translate to issues with those around you, including your partner. The emotional toll of cancer can lead to fear, anxiety, and depression, as well as a tendency to self-isolate.
If you’re feeling distant and withdrawn from your partner, here are a few suggestions that can help you reconnect.
Start slow, and take it slow
The National Cancer Institute suggests starting slow by dating each other again. Try reconnecting through activities you used to do together or plan small dates that could include anything ranging from a conversation to a walk around the neighborhood to an evening out if you’re feeling up to it. These activities are about spending quality time together and doing something you both enjoy.
Remember that intimacy doesn’t always equal sex
You might not feel like being intimate with your partner, but you also might not be allowed to engage in certain intimate activities depending on where you are with treatment. Talk to your doctor first because they might recommend abstaining after certain procedures and therapies like chemotherapy, also depending on your cancer type and overall health.
It’s important to remember that there are alternate forms of intimacy like hand holding, cuddling, or even exploring a new interest together that can help you feel close to your partner.
Have regular check-ins
If you’re experiencing side effects from treatment like weight loss, weight gain, hair loss or other changes to your physical appearance, it’s understandable that you might feel self-conscious or feel differently than you used to about your body. Keep communication open and talk to your partner about how you’re feeling with regular check-ins. Being open and honest can often foster closeness and strengthen your relationship.
Talk to a therapist and your care team
A licensed therapist can help you and your partner navigate intimacy during treatment and develop the tools you’ll need to keep that connection going strong post-treatment. You can also ask your care team for recommendations to make physical intimacy more comfortable if you’re experiencing issues like vaginal dryness, erectile dysfunction, or other types of pain.
If you would like to connect with an Outcomes4Me oncology nurse practitioner at no charge through the Outcomes4Me app, using the “Ask Outcomes4Me” button.
